Am I the only guy without IMAP Gmail?

I must be. I have spent the last four days (at great risk to my mar­riage) con­stant­ly refresh­ing my Gmail account, then singing out and sign­ing back in, because some­one, some­where, post­ed that you might have to do that, then sign­ing out, clear­ing my browser’s cache, and sign­ing back in, because some­one else said you might have to do that, and each and every time, all I get in Gmail’s Set­tings is:

For­ward­ing and POP

I’m start­ing to hate kit­tens.