[Actually last week's episode, but it was Spring Break, so sue me. Danny.]

If the first night of Beatles (really the Lennon-McCartney Songbook) was a glorious showcase of all things good on American Idol, then the second night of Beatles (actual songs the Beatles recorded) was just the opposite, a flop-heavy collection of mediocre performances and dubious talent. Even the judges were off by a country mile, as one of their few picks for best song of the night was dumped into the Bottom Three by the unwashed masses.

The contestants didn’t help themselves much, with a series of strange decisions: Australia chose his song because it was a dead friend’s favorite (beautiful sentiment but stupid); Brooke let out a whoop! on stage, and then did an awkward hippie dance; Cook used a voice box (like a fancy kazoo?); Carly wore the most horrid thing ever (see below); Jason giggled through “Michelle”; Chikezie played the harmonica; and Ramiele chose a song called “I Should Have Known Better.” Really, guys.

By far the best single moment of the entire week was the iPhone/AT&T/Coke promotion in the middle. Ryan sees a “random audience member” with an iPhone and asks to see it. She gives it to him and he stands up there with it, extolling the virtues of Idol partner AT&T, while behind him on the megaplex-screen there are videos of the iPhone in action. Meanwhile, Ryan is pressing and swiping on his “audience” phone, which is off. Completely dead. Blank screen. And after this bit of forced promo-play, he turns to the judges and says, “Cheers, judges!” and the camera turns to them and they all have their bright-red Coca-Cola cups up in the air, with great big promotional smiles plastered on their faces. It was funnier than it sounds. If only that were available on iTunes.

Best sartorial performance of the week: In lieu of good singing performance (since there was none) this week I’m handing out the best clothing award to… Syesha’s boobs. Not that the competition was challenging here, but the dress she chose in which to sing “Yesterday” was quite clearly design to point out that she has boobs. And she does. Quite. At the other end of the spectrum were Brooke’s hideous flower-child-meets-flapper sunny dress, and Carly’s maternity rose-collar, red silk gunny sack ensemble. Oy. Best song choice: Amanda actually chose the song best suited to her, “Back in the USSR,” though it apparently did her little good. Australia sang “Day in the Life” which is one of my all time favorite Beatles songs, and while the judges panned his choice, I loved it. But I have to give the award to Little David, who chose “The Long and Winding Road” for his treacle-smeared ballad-happy fans. It was the perfect song for him. Worst way to pick a song: Kristi Lee Cook actually admitted in her video clip that she chose her song because she liked the title. She had never heard it. She didn’t ask to hear it. She picked it, without hearing it! I think, just maybe, she’s not even trying any more.

This week’s bottom three were:

Carly, who wore the aforementioned smock from the discount rack at Burlington Coat Factory but did a passable job on “Blackbird,” so I have to think it was everything but her singing that brought her this low. Kristi Lee Cook, always a bridesmaid, but never booted off the show, she gave a boring, wooden, uninspired rendition of “You’ve got to hide your love away,” that caused the judges to yawn and elicited the deadly “this is the best you’ve ever looked” from Paula. Amanda, who did exactly what she had done every week prior to this, singing her song like she was opening for Lynyrd Skynyrd in some arena in Arkansas. Simon warned her that she needed to branch out, and she publicly dissed that notion from center stage.

And it cost her. Amanda was the contestant with the fewest votes (Kristi Lee Cook escapes again!) and seemed perfectly happy with that result. I don’t think she was all that excited about being an Idol. And she just missed the indentured servitude of the Idol tour, too. After her sing out, when the contestants storm the stage in a group hug, she looked decidedly uncomfortable with all that closeness.