OMG: How to make a Fox news anchor do a double take

That’s it. I’m done sitting around. I cannot believe what I just read. Yesterday, on the Fox News Channel, Dennis Hastert (R-IL), who is the freaking Speaker of the House of Representatives, said this to Chris Wallace, the host.

HASTERT: Here in this campaign, quote, unquote, “reform,” you take party power away from the party, you take the philosophical ideas away from the party, and give them to these independent groups. You know, I don’t know where George Soros gets his money. I don’t know where … if it comes overseas or from drug groups or where it comes from. And I… WALLACE: Excuse me? HASTERT: Well, that’s what he’s been for a number years … George Soros has been for legalizing drugs in this country. So, I mean, he’s got a lot of ancillary interests out there. WALLACE: You think he may be getting money from the drug cartel? HASTERT: I’m saying I don’t know where groups … could be people who support this type of thing. I’m saying we don’t know. The fact is we don’t know where this money comes from.

Oh my God. Is this what it has come down to? What if I said of the sainted George W. Bush, “Well, I don’t know what he does in the Lincoln Bedroom, but he might be killing kittens. I mean, what I’m saying is I don’t know. He might be smoking Cuban cigars. The fact is, I don’t know what he does in there. But you can’t avoid the fact that he might be worshipping Satan.”

Ahhhh! I hate the conservatives sooooo much!

Ghaa.

See: Transcript of Hastert interview on Fox News Sunday

I takes lots of pictures

I was perusing iPhoto today, and noticed that I have 2048 pictures in the database. The numbered title of my latest picture is IMG2652.jpg. Now, Canon cameras (and others, probably) maintain the picture numbering even when you switch cards or change batteries and whatnot.

This implies that i have taken two-thousand, six-hundred pictures. Which seems like a lot, even for me. This is born out, however, by the two-thousand pictures I can actually see.

Any way you cut it, that seems like a lot.

Vending machine mojo [updated]

I just went to get a drink from one of the vending machines here in the library. My tithe, a whole dollar, consisted of three quarters, a dime, and three nickels. I drop in my money, I stoop down to make my selection, and horrors, my Tropicana pink lemonade button has been replaced by some cola crap!

Refusing to panic, I look to the vending machine immediately to my right, and lo, there is a whole machine dedicated to water and “juices.” (My Tropicana pink lemonade contains 3% juice.)

So I hit the coin return button. And I get a dollar in quarters. Huh.

I move right, and put my new quarters into the second machine, punch up my drink, and tha-bump-bump, I get a lovely flourescent-pink Tropicana pink lemonade, AND a 20 oz. Aquafina bottled water!

Whoa.

I’d like to try it again, but I’m out of nickels.

Update three days later: I tried again, with the exact same change, the exact same process (yes, I even put it in the wrong machine and got my four quarters in return) but no dice. I only got one drink.

Unplug. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Haven’t seen many posts lately? That’s because a week and a half ago, I came home to discover my cable modem blinking disconsolately. I called my cable provider, Cox (please keep all puns to yourself, not that they don’t deserve them, pinheads). They walked me through the unplug-plug-reboot-tighten-lather-rinse routine, and told me the coax splitter I was using (the one labeled “Cox”) was bad. I should replace it.

So I went on vacation.

When we got back, I bought a new splitter. (Actually, I got one free from our local, and awesome, home stereo specialist store.) I tried it. No dice.

So I called Cox back. Lather, rinse, repeat.

“Yeah sir, your cable signal is really low.”

“Oh? It’s been fine for the last eleven months.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

“Yeah. So. Like, I can have a tech come out to see what he can do?”

Interlude during which the Cox rep tries very hard to sell me the $3.95-monthly-service covering “connection problems inside your home.” Which I think means, “if you crammed your coax cable into your S-Video outlet, we’ll plug it into the right place for you.” We turned down their offer.

“Okay, so when can you send a guy out?”

“Oh, well, how about Monday? We have a slot from 9:00 am to 11:00 am?”

“No, I’m sorry, your wildly inconvenient time a week from now won’t work for my schedule. You see, I have a day job, in order to pay my monthly hundred-dollar Cox bill.”

“Oh. Yeah. Well, we have a slot from 5 to 7 on Tuesday.”

“Um.” “Sure, I’ll leave work early to be home at 5 so your guy can show up at 7:15. Sounds great.”

So, then, I went out to Best Buy and bought some very expensive (and very high quality, the package assures me) coax cables. I plug everything in, and voila! A signal! Which then dies. Then comes back! Then flutters and dies again.

So, finally, I unplug the cable modem and plug it in somewhere else in the house, where I don’t need a splitter (I had all my electronics in one big power and video and speaker wire orgy out of sight behind the entertainment center).

And now it works. So I’m back.